I’m going to feel Deprived if my Husband doesn’t Cook

Pot roast

Pot roast (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m going to feel deprived if my husband doesn’t cook.  In my head is this fantasy that I have, and I just laughed as I wrote that, because in this fantasy my (future) husband likes to cook.  Steak.  Mashed potatoes.  Chicken.  Pot roast.  Tacos.  You get my drift.  Oh, but my future husband doesn’t mind baking, either.  Chocolate cake.  Brownies.  Cookies.  Banana nut Muffins.  I laugh to myself again.  You are probably laughing at me, too.  Or, perhaps you are outraged.  Actually, that is kind of the mood I am in.   I feel like pushing the envelope a bit.  I’m not outraged, but actually I just want to set gender expectations on their head.

So I was just eating dinner tonight and thinking about how I feel like a “bad” female, because honestly I don’t really like to cook.  I was always too busy reading to help my Mom in the kitchen, and she would have to push and prod me.  So, I really don’t know how to cook.  That is part of the problem.  Also, I hate dishes.  But, I have a dish washer now, so you ask what is my excuse?  Truth be told, my Mom even recently subscribed me to Rachel Ray’s magazine, but I find myself flipping through it thinking that certain foods look good, but then I stumble at the action point where I need to go out and buy the needed ingredients to make the meal.  My observation is that if you don’t have basic ingredients to start with, then your grocery bill can burst your budget and be a major detriment into your foray into cooking.

I fear my future husband will feel deprived with my lack of domesticity.  Here is what “gets me.”  Women are expected to work full-time.  Be thin (and I must say that the older I become, the harder that is, especially with the genetic predisposition of the women in my family).  Be beautiful.  Be sweet.  Love children.  Do the bulk (if not all) of the cleaning in your home.  And, finally, be a domestic “goddess.”  But what happens when you don’t wear the red polka-dot apron and make an amazing pot roast?

Society likes to play it both ways.  Women need to work outside the home, but they need to shine in the home sphere, too.  If you don’t, then you deprive your husband (thus goes the logic).  Your husband deserves a good home cooked meal.  And why would a woman want to “waste” a college education if she decides she wants to raise her children and stay at home?  Is that not a noble profession, or does she have to be climbing the corporate or academic ladder to get applauded?  I think many women get burned out running from full-time work to PTA meetings to kid’s soccer practice, and trying to be home in time to make a five course meal may be an unfair burden that society places on women.  Women can juggle many things successfully, but I think fairness and equality is a standard to be obtained in both the work and home sphere.  Why can’t husbands cook, too?  While I definitely will not feel deprived if my future husband doesn’t cook (FYI, I was just stirring the pot), I do hope that my husband will at least like to grill out, or he will enjoy cooking with me as we learn to cook together.  A girl can dream.

 

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A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words (or is it?)

I posted this blog on my MySpace account yesterday, however I have had 0 views thus far.  Not really surprising if I think about it.  So, I have decided to post this blog here on WordPress, as well.  We all know that we WordPress people like to blog, right?  And, I really want to share this with everyone here, too.  Please note that the word “here” in this blog refers to MySpace, since I originally wrote this piece with solely MySpace in mind, however, I am now posting it in its entirety on WordPress (with some slight editing revisions).  While it is slightly wordy, I want to point out that I was NOT trying to beat 1,000 words due to my title (however, I happen to hit 1,795 words).

A picture is worth a thousand words….hmmmm….is it?  I kind of wanted to test that hypothesis, albeit sociologically speaking, because I had a suspicion about my MySpace profile photo, and it turns out that I was right.  I wanted to test (loosely, with data not quantified for any purpose other than my interest in human nature) to see what would happen when I changed my MySpace profile photo to one that had me with a child in it.  I will tell you about the correlation that I found (which is what I expected), but first I want to back up and give a bit more of a preface, plus another relevent explanation, as well.

So, I was off of MySpace for maybe a year or 2….I used to LOVE MySpace. I mean absolutely love it.  I used to do a lot of music promotion at one season of my life and I was constantly volunteering for a Christian radio station in my area and around the state.  I would even organize radio station volunteers for concerts in my area and often go on stage to speak…I love that kind of thing.  So, what drew me to MySpace was the amazing amount of bands and artists on it, plus many of my college friends and my brother used to be regulars on here.  But then everyone pretty much left for Facebook (all except me), and these days my college friends (for the most part) just have profiles on here they never use, or else they deleted their profile when their boyfriend did…stuff like that.  Unfortunately, Facebook was part of one of the absolute biggest friend hurts a friend has EVER done to me….but that is another story that I don’t really care to blog about.  Anyways, MySpace lost its appeal for me when no one I knew was keeping up with it…but I found one day that I still loved the music on Myspace and kind of missed it, so I made the decision to get back on MySpace.

Which brings me somewhat up to today.  So, when my sister (who is not on Facebook or MySpace, actually, but I think at one point her husband tried to sign her up for Facebook) heard that I was doing MySpace again, she told me, “you know, I heard that MySpace is just ONE BIG BOOTY CALL.” Those are her words, not mine. My sister calls it like she sees it….blunt and all.  Anyways, I hoped SURELY she was mistaken. Surely.  Let me NOT FREAK OUT (definitely NOT the type of girl looking for anything like that, you know)….and I thought I will give it a chance.  Surely that isn’t true.  And, beside, mainly I am “here for the music”, and sometimes I also like to blog about life and write poetry about God and love.  I figure even if I blog and no one reads it….well, all is good, because personally I find writing highly therapeutic, fun, creative, enjoyable, relaxing….the list goes on and on (Side note- although, I must say, it is very nice when people read what you write.  That is so cool).

Actually, I need to back up again and make a very important point.  My MySpace profile used to be private. Friends only access. A lot of that was due to when I worked as a Counselor for around 5 years, and ethically speaking I wanted  a separation between my work life and my personal, private life.  When I was getting my Master’s Degree in Counseling with a Community Concentration, of course they taught us ethics. One of the big ethical mandates was do not DATE your client. I want to say “DUH”, but there are those who do that, and worse. That type of thing is a horrible misuse of the power and authority that you have in your role as a Counselor, in a setting that is all about intimate emotional sharing and trust. It completes violates professional counseling ethics.  Another variation of inappropriate ethics when you are a Counselor is the blending of the work role as a Counselor into also being a social, hanging out friend….you are not supposed to do that either, but I think that happens  often, especially in smaller towns.  Also, I think that sometimes clients may think that Counselors have all the wise answers….or at the very least, that you have it all figured out with relationships….not quite.  Anyways, I decided when I was working as a Counselor to have my MySpace profile private in order to not affect my clients in any adverse ways or to cause any ethical problems or issues.  Although, today, I am no longer working as a Counselor, because the Center that I worked at closed, which resulted in some changes for me and a shift in where I work presently.

So, to get back to my results: I found out that my sister had largely heard RIGHT.  MySpace IS largely a booty call by many people, from my observations.  I make this observation because once I changed my profile to being completely open (in an attempt to be transparent and to expand outside of my “box”), all I can say is that it seemed like the FLOODGATES were open. I somehow probably inadvertently made it worse because (up until recently) for a long time now I have selected as my profile pic a picture that I really liked that was taken a couple of years ago by my friend after she dyed my hair and did my make-up (my friend is actually a Genius with those type of things, actually).  The next thing I know, I was getting CONSTANT friend requests…..from guys, almost NEVER from girls…and also I would get requests from bands, too- that makes sense.  But here is the problem: besides the plethora of friend requests, I would also have things like a guy sending me a private message with a virtual rose, guys proposing inappropriate hook-up requests with me using gross and vulgar language for male and female genitalia, guys asking to instant message me (I don’t even know how to do that, actually)….plus the 18-year-old who asked if I had ever fantasized about being with a younger guy and how young would I go?…or the girl who said I was so pretty and she wanted to get together and that she has been with 2 women previously…and on and on and on.  Seriously, that is NOT why I am on MySpace!!!  It does make me want to, at times, lock the door and change my profile back to private…people can friend me if they are on MySpace and want to be my friend….but, honestly, transparency is a good thing, and sometimes we can “throw the baby out with the bath water.” Sometimes.

I am still thinking about my options, but I have hope that I can be transparent and NOT be sexually hit on in gross ways or feel like I am being looked at as a piece of meat (not cool is the understatement!!!).  Thus, I decided to change my profile picture.  I appreciated that my friend, Tisha, and her guy friend helped get me up to speed with some tech stuff to easily (ok, MORE EASILY) get photos on MySpace and on my laptop (I think that it is fair to say except for a couple of unusual speed bumps that seemed to even slightly surprise Tisha’s friend, a smart techie….side note- I DO need some technology help for me to get up to speed with our technology driven world, but it makes me feel lots better if techie type people tell me that the litany list of problems that I always seem to face tech-wise is NOT JUST ME….sometimes I think technology doesn’t like me…but I know, I know, it is NOT human….that is just my attempt at humor).  But, I am digressing and turning this blog into a longer piece than I meant it to be, and hopefully the few people who may read this are not nodding off waiting for me to get to my point…..so I will cut to the chase.  Once I semi-recently uploaded some recent pictures of my family to MySpace for a new photo album (yay!), I decided that I wanted to update my profile pic to a cute one of me with my nephew, Devin.  He is really hard to get a picture of or even with- he is CONSTANTLY on the run, or he will look away from the camera the second before you take the photo. So, I am really glad to finally have a good picture of me with my little nephew.  Anyways, I kind of wondered at that time if a change like my picture of me with my nephew would cause the MySpace craziness to calm down.

So, here are my results. Yes, the craziness has calmed down. How is that for scientific results?  LOL! I am thrilled to report that, for the most part, guys don’t seem to want to hit on me inappropriately these days.  That may be because they think I have a kid.  Although, one divorced single Dad around my age did propose us meeting up for something serious.  But, the constant messages and friend requests and gross innuendos have stopped. I don’t remember exactly how long it has been since I changed my profile photo- maybe a few weeks at most. But I have only had a few friend requests that I can count on one hand, and one or two of those were bands.  So, I am much happier. However, I do wish people would not use MySpace as one big hook-up….it really mars MySpace and somewhat harms the potential good of MySpace.  Alas, I am just one among a possible small number of people who may think the way that I do….from what I can tell, there are many people who are just looking for a hook-up.   Me, I am off writing poems about regret.

 Peace out. ~ Julie

Love, rejection, and poetry (a.k.a. a heart, a wall, and vulnerabilty)

Author: Bagande

Image via Wikipedia

I am an occasional poet. When I get inspired, poems in my journal typically seem to fall in the category of being about love, faith, or God. I am a firm believer that love exists in many forms: a mother to a child, a friend to a friend, selfless love leading to action in order to help humanity….as well as of course romantic love. Many of the famous songs of old are about the passion and perils of romantic love….finding love, heartbreak, the ache of unrequited love….life and literature is ripe with tales and woes of romantic love. Love may at times seem elusive….and barriers to love exist, as we all know.

Personally, I’m an introspective person, and my educational background in the counseling field and Sociology has led me to examine myself, as well as family of origin, in order to know myself more (not that there is an end to this process, however, since life is a series of growth and change, and people really should not stay static). I am a firm believer in socialization and the fact that people are shaped by their culture, society, and country of origin. Families are part of this process. For example, I believe that children of divorce, as adults, can have issues and ambivalence with romantic love…these issues can and do affect these individuals in dating and marriage. I see this truth when I examine myself and my own desire for, and yet skittishness toward, romantic love. It can be hard, at times, for me to be vulnerable in this area. It does not help that an ex-boyfriend of mine in college broke up with me on my birthday, with no birthday present and right before Valentine’s Day, to boot. To be fair, I guess technically it was the day after my birthday, because the break-up talk started on my birthday but carried over till a bit after midnight…but still, I kind of think that there should be some unwritten rule (or social norm, perhaps?) in dating where a boyfriend should not break up with a girlfriend on her birthday (and vice versa). It is just plain wrong, honestly. Also, another facet of romantic love is marital love. I find it sad to think of marital love not lasting a lifetime…all too often people say “till death do us part”, and yet when trouble comes, such as financial difficulties or other hardships, then those same people give up on their marriage, maybe lamenting “it just wasn’t meant to be.” I think this mentality is incredibly tragic.

Rejection is a part of the elusive search for romantic love. Who likes rejection? No one. It is painful and raw. However, often the process to achieving romantic love will involve rejection, either in dating rejection or in pain from past relationships and break-ups. Rejection can transcend romantic love, however….there is also the pain of childhood rejection (i.e. being picked last for the athletic team in high school physical education class….for me that happened when one of my friends was picking teams and I was last picked…that was painful and did not help my self confidence in my athletic abilities). Rejection is a fact of life, whether it be in the career field or more relational in nature. Vulnerabilty is needed in order to find romantic love, but all too often walls are put up to safeguard one’s heart, and to not be hurt any more than one has already been hurt. These walls are problematic, however, and need to be dismantled in order to find a successful outcome in a dating or marital relationship.

Alright, I want to end with a short poem that I wrote about, what else? Love.

Love

Love ? I love love love you.

Love ? I love love love you. (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Love.

Ambiguously messy.

Vulnerability in the upmost.

Heart to heart. Hope to hope. Healing is the vibe.

Love.

So often in this world

strings are attached

and expectations abound

regarding love.

But the better way

will never cease to be

a pure foundation

and a fiber weaving throughout

in a brilliant tapestry

of rich hues

of reds and golds

and filled with warmth and clarity

and an unconditional love

that is healing, hopeful, and vulnerable

and that truly is forevermore.

Love Love Love

Love Love Love (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)